Stubbed Toes

My dear wife laughs at me because I tend to trip over furniture or stub a toe whenever I try to walk across a room in the dark. She doesn't think it is "ha ha" funny. She thinks I should be able to remember what is out there in the room and not kick it in the dark.

Maybe I should wait until my eyes are better adjusted to the dark before I start moving, but it seems to me that anyone will get off course if they try to walk around in true darkness. When it is really dark you cannot see anything. (Profound, I know.)

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life” (John 8:12).  People who are not following Jesus are wandering about in the dark - and it is dangerous. They can't see to avoid the hazards. They are about to trip over the edge of the cliff to their deaths - and they don't even know it.

The way to keep from tripping in the dark is to turn on the light. (I'm just SO profound today!)

This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.  If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:5–7) 

I don't turn on the light at night because I don't want to disturb my wife. (Of course she is disturbed if I crash into some piece of furniture.) Other people stay in the dark for more sinister reasons.

And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.” (John 3:19–21) 

On the basis of my rich experience of stubbing my toes and tripping over things in the dark, let me urge everyone to WALK IN THE LIGHT!

(Ephesians 5:8–14 NKJV) 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light. Therefore He says: “Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.” 

Mr. Fix-it Strikes Again

Did you know that there are four contacts inside a phone jack?

I knew that...

Did you know that if you hook the CAT-5 wire to the wrong combination of contacts, it will still (mostly) work when you plug in your modem?

I didn't know that!

But I did wonder why the direct line I put in from the terminal to the phone jack only provided a mediocre and temperamental internet connection. Hmmm... Where did I put those directions from the technician who told me how to do this?

Well, I couldn't find the paper. It must be around here somewhere... But I finally got fed up with the mediocrity and decided to try a change.

Bingo!

The switched wire almost doubled my upload speed... everything seems to be working much better. No more mediocrity - no more temperamental faults.

So, Mr. Fixit did a great job... except that it took a month for me to get it right.

Hmm....

I'm off to rewire an electrical outlet.  Hope this works the first time.

Divorce & Remarriage Revisited

I was happy to get a response to my last blog on divorce and remarriage. Every blog is better with interaction from the readers. (Please consider commenting.) Here is a slightly edited version of the response I received.

I was wondering...you only sort of glanced off it in Four...but aren't you going to make a clearer stand against divorce in leadership? Is it just Pastors or deacons too?? Why don't all your other reasoning apply to them. What if those things happened in their lives before they were Christians or called to ministry? AND...I still, after reading all this, have trouble pulling out rebuttals to the nastiness of those who disagree with this view. The issue that I've had trouble discussing recently is...that people who were divorced before salvation are okayed (accepted)... while those who divorce and remarry afterwards aren't.And what about where one partner has been divorced and the other hasn't?I guess...this is really academic....and I'm having trouble making it practical to my real life situations.

My seven blogs on divorce and remarriage were written in response to requests for a thorough treatment of the Bible's teaching for people who have been divorced and now want to know what they should do about remarriage. I hope that those blogs gave them some practical help.

But what about divorce in the lives of church leadership - pastors and deacons?

On the one hand, everything we looked at before DOES apply to people who are in church leadership. They should not be getting divorced. In the case of sexual immorality they have a biblical ground for divorce and a freedom to remarry after that divorce. But they certainly should not be using divorce as a cloak for adultery.

That said, if a man finds himself divorced he is disqualified from service as a pastor or deacon.

This is not because divorce is a sin. (In some situations it is not a sin, and sins are forgiven in Christ.) It doesn't matter if it happened before someone was saved or after they were saved. (Christ saves us from all of our sins.) It doesn't matter if the person is remarried or not.

The disqualification from these ministries is because of the high biblical requirements:

(1 Timothy 3:2) A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife,
(1 Timothy 3:4–5) ...one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);
(1 Timothy 3:7) Moreover he must have a good testimony among those who are outside, lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.
(1 Timothy 3:11–12) Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.  Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. 

Some argue that "the husband of one wife" does not refer to divorce - although divorce was very common in the Roman world while polygamy was very rare. 

But even setting that aside, it is clear that the pastors and deacons were supposed to be role models in family leadership. This would definitely be ruined by unfaithfulness on his part, but it could be spoiled by things that were not necessarily his fault.  His ability to be a role model is spoiled by having children who are incorrigible. It is spoiled by having a rebellious or unfaithful wife. It is spoiled by divorce. Even where someone could prove beyond a doubt that the divorce was not his fault, the divorce still destroys his ability to be the role model in family leadership that is required in the Bible.

I think this tends to offend the American sense of "fair play." If it is not his fault, why should he be disqualified? An airline pilot might suffer the loss of his sight or hearing through no fault of his own. Even though it is not his fault and even though he might be a talented and experienced pilot, he is now disqualified. In the case of pastors and deacons:

• We don't set these qualifications - God does.
• These things matter in the ministries of pastors and deacons who are examples to the flock and who must often minister to families in crisis.
• It is not as if the divorced person cannot serve the church in many other important ways.

The Bible On Divorce & Remarriage - Seven (and final)

God's ideal for marriage is one man and one woman living in complete faithfulness to each other for life.

In the Old Testament Law God set up regulations for divorce, evidently as a substitute for the death penalty (Deuteronomy 21). It is clear that the divorced man and divorced woman could then marry other people, with a few restrictions. They couldn't marry each other again after being married to someone else, and priests could not marry a divorced woman or a woman who had been a prostitute. The divorced woman is considered defiled in the Old Testament because the assumed grounds for divorce was sexual immorality.

When Jesus is teaching about divorce and remarriage in Matthew, he makes several new points.

1. "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery" (Matt. 19:9). In this case the man has no legitimate reason to divorce his wife, so he is committing adultery against her.
2. "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery" (Matt. 5:32). This woman has been divorced without legitimate cause. The verse assumes she will remarry, but says that in doing so she has been pushed into the arms of another man.
3. "Whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matt. 5:32 and Matt. 19:9) This applies to the woman who was unjustly divorced by her first husband. In this case, the next man who marries her is committing adultery with her in the sense that they are breaking the sanctity of the first marriage.
4. "So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery"(Mark 10:11–12). This presupposes the "except for sexual immorality" clause. In this verse we see that both husband and wife can be the instigator of the adultery.

These teachings are a very serious matter indeed. Jesus is not replacing the Old Testament law, but clarifying it. Divorce that is for any reason other than sexual immorality grows out of and into adultery. "No fault divorce" is completely foreign to God's original design for marriage. The hypocritical Pharisees thought that by divorcing a wife before getting another wife they were obeying the seventh commandment - "You shall not commit adultery." But Jesus says they are still committing adultery - first by looking at another woman with lust, and then by divorcing in order to marry another.

But what about where a divorce IS the result of "sexual immorality?" Divorce that results from one partner's adultery leaves the innocent person as free to remarry as if the adulterer had died. If this were not the case, Jesus' words, "except for sexual immorality," have no meaning. The adulterer is defiled, but the other person is not.

Life is complicated. Marriage is hard work. Adultery is a terrible betrayal. Divorce is allowed, but not required. Reconciliation might be possible. A marriage is worth fighting to preserve! But when you have done all you can do, you might still find yourself divorced and your former spouse lost to you in an adulterous relationship.

Remarriage is not required, but it is allowed. You should definitely not date until your divorce is final. You should probably wait until all possibility of reconciliation is past. Even then, you might be better off to remain single, if you can. But it was our Creator who said, "It is not good for man to be alone," and who designed marriage as the answer to that problem.

The secret to a successful marriage is that our commitments to each other grow out of our absolute commitment to the Lord Jesus. We are all sinners. We let each other down. We are weak willed. We are easily flattered, discouraged, angered, or embittered. Jesus taught that adultery is only a glance away. Pursue Jesus Christ with all of your heart and obey Him in your treatment of your spouse.

The Bible on Divorce & Remarriage - Six

So what is the answer to our questions about divorce and remarriage?

• Can divorce and remarriage be free from adultery, or not?
• Is a divorced and remarried person committing perpetual adultery?
• Should divorce and remarriage result in some sort of sanction from the church?

On the one hand, God has given us a simple ideal for sex and marriage: One man with one woman for life.

On the other hand, our lives are complicated by sin and weakness. So God addresses penalties and remedies for all kinds of complications. There is defilement. There is adultery. There is selfishness and sinfulness. There are people who find themselves divorced. Someone might say there should not be divorce because the penalty for adultery was death, but the OT recognizes divorce as an alternative to the death penalty (Deut. 24:1).

The OT also addresses several other situations that do not square with God's idea for sex and marriage. If a man seduces a virgin he is forced to pay the bride price and marry her - without the possibility of ever divorcing her (Deut. 22:28-29). If a man has two wives and loves one wife but not the other, he must not deny the birthright of his children by the unloved wife (Deut. 21:15). If a man divorces his wife and she marries another man, but that second husband dies, the first husband cannot take her as his wife again because she has become defiled (Deut. 24:2-4).

When Jesus addresses issues of divorce and remarriage in the New Testament, He is not prescribing new laws. He is explaining God's perspective on the hearts of the people who are involved in these situations. Jesus is addressing people who feel pretty good about their level of success at achieving an acceptable level of righteousness. They had not violated the written law - the letter of the law. But Jesus says, "You have still violated the spirit of the law by committing adultery in your hearts." In fact, Jesus says, "You are using the law to commit adultery."

A man may not have ever committed adultery physically, but still have committed adultery by looking at a woman with lust in his heart (Matthew 5:28).

A man may have not been unfaithful to his wife while married to her, but then he divorces her to marry another woman. Jesus says that is adultery on his part (Matthew 19:9; Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18). He also says that the man who marries the divorced woman is committing adultery (same verses). He even says that when a man divorces his wife causes HER to commit adultery!

Jesus is not saying that the remarriages are not legitimate marriages. Both the law (Deut 24:1-4) and the language Jesus uses acknowledges that the remarried people are really married. The second husband might die or divorce the remarried wife, making her available again to be married - but not to her first husband. When Jesus talks to the woman at the well he says, "... have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband" (John 4:18)

So what is Jesus saying? That the people who practice these things are falling short of God's ideal. Lust in the heart violates God's ideal and pollutes (adulterates) what ought to be kept pure. Divorce and remarriage spoil God's ideal and may well be just a socially/legally acceptable way of committing adultery. God knows the hearts and all have sinned, even if they have kept the letter of the law.

The Bible on Divorce & Remarriage - Five

In the Old Testament divorce was legal and remarriage was expected in most cases. The priest and high priest could not marry a divorced woman (Lev. 21) and a man could not remarry the wife he had divorced after she had been married to another man (Deut. 24:1-4).

This was the Law of Moses, so it came as a shock to many people when Jesus suggested that in God's view, you might live according to this law and still be sinning against God and against your spouse.

Consider Jesus' teaching in Matthew 5.

(Matthew 5:17 NKJV) ¶ “Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill.

Jesus goes on to say that not even the smallest stroke of the Law will pass away until it has all been fulfilled (v.18). But in his exposition of various commandments from the law (e.g., murder, adultery, vows, love for neighbors, etc.) he teaches that even if we have obeyed the letter of the law (like the scribes and Pharisees in verse 20) we may still have violated the spirit of the law and practiced unrighteousness in God's sight.

We might be tempted to say, "I'm right with God because I have not murdered anyone." But God, looking at our hearts sees our selfish disregard for the people around us. Our biting sarcasm, character assassination, ranting verbal attacks and revenge fantasies are all the same kind of sin to God as murder is. We may have not technically committed murder, but we are murderers.

In the same way, adultery is defined as having a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse - or with someone who is married to someone else - not you. You are polluting (adulterating) someones' marriage relationship. 

Since they had the legal recourse of divorce, it seemed to people that they could avoid violating the letter of the commandment against adultery by divorcing their current husband/wife before having a relationship with a new husband/wife. But Jesus says: 

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:27–28)

and

"...it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.  (Matthew 5:31–32)

Jesus is not here rewriting the letter of the law and invalidating legal divorces and remarriages. Jesus is saying that the widespread practice of divorce and remarriage is a testimony to the adultery brewing in people's hearts. A man divorces his wife because he is already committing adultery against her in his heart.

So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11–12)

A man may look at a woman without committing adultery with her in his heart. There is a legitimate situation where divorce is allowed and is not based on adulterous motives. (Joseph's plan to divorce pregnant Mary was evidence of his righteousness in Matthew 1:19.) But the eyes and the provisions of the law can be (and often are) used for sin.

(Proverbs 4:23)  Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life. 

The Bible on Divorce & Remarriage - Four

Divorce is a fact of life.

God's design for marriage is a lifetime union of a man and woman in absolute fidelity and covenant loyalty. This design suggests the unity between the persons of the godhead and pictures the relationship of Christ with the Church.

Nevertheless, human beings are sinful and only imperfectly follow God's design even in the best case. Husbands fail their wives, wives fail their husbands and both of them fail God even if they never divorce. In the Old Testament Law, God acknowledges the fact of divorce, gives some regulations for divorce and stipulates some limits on the practice of divorce. In prophecies against the idolatrous practices of Israel and Judah God portrays himself as a husband divorcing his adulterous wives. In Ezra, men who have married pagan wives are ordered to divorce them, and this is portrayed as a good thing - a matter of faithfulness to God.

What does all of this mean to us?

Old Testament Law lays down a principle (e.g., a commandment or a regulation) and then illustrates the limits of the rule by giving exceptional examples. In principle marriage was a lifetime commitment - not just to your spouse, but also to God because of your vow before Him. In principle adultery would be punished by the death penalty. But God allowed a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away (Deut. 24:1). The divorced woman was still part of the community and could remarry in most cases. She was not punished for being divorced.

The examples of exceptions regarding divorce define the boundaries and imply the normal practices inside those boundaries.

A divorced woman could be remarried.
Exceptions:
Lev. 21:7 - A priest could not marry a divorced woman. He also could not marry a prostitute or "defiled woman." / This prohibition has to do with the special status of the priest as "holy to his God." / It suggests that the woman might have been divorced because of infidelity to her husband. / But this prohibition also implies that men who were not priests could marry a divorced woman.
Lev. 21:14 - A high priest is also prohibited from marrying a divorced woman. In fact, a high priest could not marry a widow either. He is restricted to marrying a virgin of his own people. / The inclusion of widows into this list is very interesting. Is he suggesting that widows are somehow defiled? / In any case, the implication is that other men could marry women from these categories if they so choose, but a high priest, because of his special role in religious society, could not.
Deut. 24:1-4 - A man who divorces his wife is forbidden from remarrying her after she has been the wife of another man. / Verse two indicates that she freely becomes the wife of another man and implies that this is an expected course of action. / But after that, should she lose her second husband, the first husband cannot marry her again because she is has been defiled. / While it says she has been defiled, it is evidently only with regard to marrying her previous husband again. He forced her into another relationship, now he cannot say that his grounds for divorce were inconsequential now that she has had a marriage relationship with another man.